Humor

You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.

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I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.

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I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

Always be yourself unless you can be a dragon. Then you should always be a dragon. / 6"x14" Reclaimed Wood Sign

One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.

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How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

One martini, two martini, three martini, Floor!

You're ridiculous. And by that I mean we'll always be friends.

You're making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be.

The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.

Always be yourself, unless you can be the captain. Then you should always be the captain. / 12"x24" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

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I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

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Life is too short to just have one dog.

Dear Lord, Please don't let my husband be home when all my online orders arrive. -Amen..

I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

Don't flatter yourself, cowboy. I was looking at your horse. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Bad decisions make great stories. / 14"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for diner.

When a woman says "Do whatever you want" Do NOT do whatever you want.

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Everyone thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE... Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat.

My house would be a lot cleaner if my family didn't live here.

Move over the dog sits here Pillow

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman then you should always be Batman. ~BATMAN / 12"x24" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself.

They say moms placed in a life or death situations with their children develop superhuman strength. Last night during a tantrum, I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth.

Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.