Humor

I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.

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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.

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I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

One martini, two martini, three martini, Floor!

You're ridiculous. And by that I mean we'll always be friends.

Always be yourself unless you can be a dragon. Then you should always be a dragon. / 6"x14" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Life is too short to just have one dog.

One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.

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How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

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Dear Lord, Please don't let my husband be home when all my online orders arrive. -Amen..

I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.

I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself.

You're making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be.

I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

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When a woman says "Do whatever you want" Do NOT do whatever you want.

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Everyone thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE... Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat.

Come here you giant cup of beautiful coffee and lie to me about how much we are going to get done today.

Don't flatter yourself, cowboy. I was looking at your horse. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Bad decisions make great stories. / 14"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

They say God only gives you what you can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a badass. / Natural Kitchen Towel

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman then you should always be Batman. ~BATMAN / 12"x24" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for diner.

They say God only gives you what you can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a badass.

I don't always drink wine, but... yes I do.

My house would be a lot cleaner if my family didn't live here.