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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.
Always be yourself unless you can be a dragon. Then you should always be a dragon. / 6"x14" Reclaimed Wood SignAlways be yourself unless you can be a dragon. Then you should always be a dragon. / 6"x14" Reclaimed Wood Sign
One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.
How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.
One martini, two martini, three martini, Floor
You're ridiculous. And by that I mean we'll always be friends
You're making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be.
Always be yourself, unless you can be the captain. Then you should always be the captain. / 12"x24" Reclaimed Wood SignAlways be yourself, unless you can be the captain. Then you should always be the captain. / 12"x24" Reclaimed Wood Sign
The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.
Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.
I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.
Sale price$12.99

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Life is too short to just have one dog.
Dear Lord, Please don't let my husband be home when all my online orders arrive. -Amen..
I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.
I'll have a cafŽ-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go
Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood SignEven a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign
Bad decisions make great stories. / 14"x6" Reclaimed Wood SignBad decisions make great stories. / 14"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign
I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for diner.
My house would be a lot cleaner if my family didn't live here.
Artist Series from Sarcastic Mommy
My house would be a lot cleaner if my family didn't live here.
Sale price$12.99
Move over the dog sits here PillowMove over the dog sits here Pillow
When a woman says "Do whatever you want" Do NOT do whatever you want.
I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself.
They say moms placed in a life or death situations with their children develop superhuman strength. Last night during a tantrum, I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth.
Everyone thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE... Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat.
I don't always drink wine, but... yes I do.
Don't flatter yourself, cowboy. I was looking at your horse. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood SignDon't flatter yourself, cowboy. I was looking at your horse. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign
Always be yourself unless you can be Superman. Then you should always be Superman. / 12"x24" Reclaimed Wood Signback view Always be yourself unless you can be Superman. Then you should always be Superman