Humor

I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.

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I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.

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One martini, two martini, three martini, Floor!

Always be yourself unless you can be a dragon. Then you should always be a dragon. / 6"x14" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Life is too short to just have one dog.

One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.

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You're ridiculous. And by that I mean we'll always be friends.

Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

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Dear Lord, Please don't let my husband be home when all my online orders arrive. -Amen..

I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

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You're making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be.

How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

Don't flatter yourself, cowboy. I was looking at your horse. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

Bad decisions make great stories. / 14"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign

They say God only gives you what you can handle. Apparently God thinks I'm a badass. / Natural Kitchen Towel

They say God only gives you what you can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a badass.

My house would be a lot cleaner if my family didn't live here.

I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.

I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself.

Dear Liver, It is going to be a rough month... STAY STRONG.

Everyone thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE... Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat.

I need is a little bit of coffee and a whole lotta Jesus

I love that you're my mom.

I am sorry for the things I said when it was winter.

Keep your friends close, keep your bourbon closer. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

Dragons make life better. / 6"x6" Reclaimed Wood Sign