Eat, Drink & Be Merry

I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I ever wanted in a friend.

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Today's Goal: Keep the tiny humans alive

I drink bourbon because I don't like to keep things bottled up.

Enjoy the gift of this ordinary day.

If found in microwave, please return to Mom

I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. I'm saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room.

The good thing about water is that you can have it in your workplace. Now, what's special about vodka is that it looks like water.

One glass of wine away from telling everyone what I really think.

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She believed she could, so she did

I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

Bacon (noun) The reason I am not a vegetarian.

My dream job would be driving the karma bus.

Underestimate me. That will be fun.

Some days its nice to just relax and have a cocktail and then, other days it's nice to just relax and have a cocktail.

One martini, two martini, three martini, Floor!

I'll have a cafe-mocha-vodka-valium-latte to go, please.

Dear Liver, It is going to be a rough month... STAY STRONG.

Everyone thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. PLEASE... Every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat.

How do I like my eggs? Umm, in a cake.

Keep your friends close, keep your bourbon closer. / 10"x10" Reclaimed Wood Sign

I never said I would die without coffee. I said other people would.

We are only as strong as the girlfriends we have.

Our friendship has saved me a fortune in therapy. Thank you.

I won't be remembered as a woman who kept her mouth shut. I'm OK with that.

I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Ok, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for diner.

Shit creek survivor

We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.

The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house.